Choose Life - A Journey of Forgiveness
My birthday recently passed and on March 17, 2013 as I thanked God for another year I told myself that I wanted to live slower and love deeper. Now, that sounds great but it is actually something I struggle with daily – mainly because I still carry past hurts in my heart. It is easy to say something to yourself but it is harder to act on it. I can say, “I forgive you; I’ve let it go” but, is the hurt still in my heart? Well, yes the pain was still in my heart and I didn’t understand why. I made a conscious decision to move forward – so why did I stay stagnant? I was at a standstill because “I” wanted to do everything on my own, but I will never have the ability to forgive people that have wronged me – only God can give that compassion and peace of mind. I’ve wrestled with this overarching monster on my shoulder that was constantly weighing me down. It was weird because I would be so happy and vibrant for weeks or even months at a time and then BOOM – a random breakdown. Lonely nights crept up on me like a thief in the night and I did not know how to handle it. I’m always the bigger person in reality but emotionally I’m dying because you hurt me – A LOT, and I don’t know how to channel that pain in productive ways. I don’t know how to look at you without wanting to spit in your face. But, as Easter Sunday approaches, I am reminded of how much God loves me because He gave His only begotten son. Also, how much pain Jesus endured for my sins and how He ultimately died for me so I can experience life. Well, if Jesus can exhibit that much compassion, why can’t I forgive my neighbor? Oh, because I am NOT Jesus! But, there is something spectacular that happened when Jesus rose on the 3rd day with all power in His hands. He made it possible for me to go to Him and cast all my worries upon him and He will give me peace. So, for all the broken hearts and crushed souls – it is not over and you do not have to choose to be bitter. I know, sometimes it feels like an inevitable choice – how can you not be bitter after all the things you’ve been through? I am not 100% where I want to be, but I can truly say that God gives peace! Even in the little things – like, when you can watch someone you love, love someone else and be perfectly fine with that reality. Allow the Lord to take the malice out of your heart because a hardened heart will only stunt your growth and hinder your blessings. Every time we go to God with hate in us – we go to him with closed hands – he cannot bless us if we close ourselves off. Don’t allow others to spew venom into your heart; you are amazing, priceless, and most importantly you are WORTH IT! You’re worth love – unconditional and eternal – so allow yourself to experience love by forgiving those that hurt you; even those that did something you deem to be unforgiveable. Don’t worry, you don’t have to do it alone – you can’t do it alone; God has your back every step of the way and when you slip up I promise he will be there to catch your fall. Join me in choosing life because who wants to be walking dead?